The Hardest Part

There's always a moment. Whether you're sitting, standing, walking, or talking, it hits you. "I want to be a student missionary." For some, it stops there. A missionary year was nothing more than a passing thought. For others, however, the thought is put into action. Paperwork is filled out, a location is chosen, or assigned, and fundraising begins. The whole process seems like a dream. It doesn't really hit you until you're at the airport saying goodbye to your loved ones that you're actually leaving and you won't see them for a year. As hard as it may be to accept the fact that you will miss things and people will change, that's not the hardest part. You board the plane and take off into the unknown, unaware of the challenges that lie ahead. After arriving at your destination, getting settled, and creating a routine, you finally have time to relax. Instead of relaxing, however, you may find yourself thinking about family and friends, what they might be doing, and how much you miss them. Moments like this come and go and, at times, you may feel like your heart is going to break, but you'll get through. Homesickness is not the hardest part. Time will pass and you will fall in love with your students and the people you are interacting with. You will build lifelong friendships and you will learn to love in ways that you never thought possible. Then, in what seems like a blink of an eye, you're packing up your things and heading to the airport. As you drive away from what has been your home for the past year, you try to take a mental picture. You attempt to save that moment in your mind forever. You arrive at the airport and your friends and students are there to say goodbye. Some of the kids may decide to bring you into a group hug and that is when the tears will start to flow. That is when you realize that saying goodbye to your new family is the hardest part about being a missionary. You will be showered with a mixture of gifts, kind words, heartfelt letters, and hugs. You want to be able to make promises that you will come back, but you aren't sure when, or if, that will happen. Your heart breaks as you walk through the terminal, into the plane, and head back to the place you were once afraid to leave.

My year as a missionary was full of challenges, but it was also full of blessings. There were times when I felt like giving up. I was hurt, stressed, overwhelmed, and homesick. Sometimes I felt completely alone, like God was making me do it on my own. I realized very quickly that God had NOT left my side and that He was carrying me every step of the way. I learned so much about myself and God through everything I experienced and, if I had the chance, I would do it all over again. So, if you have made the decision to be a student missionary, or you are struggling with making the decision, don't be discouraged. Give it all to God and go for it. The best is yet to come. 

The Power of His Love

As many girls in this world do, I have always struggled with confidence and self-esteem. I feel as though I spent most of my life searching in all the wrong places for self-worth and somewhere to belong. No matter how much I searched, however, all I ever found was emptiness. From the outside, people may have seen a nice Christian girl who had it all together, with her life and her relationship with God, but that was never really the case. Although I have always had a longing in my heart for a close relationship with God, the times when I actually did feel close to Him were limited, especially after I graduated from high school. When I decided to be a missionary, I was terrified. I did not feel, in any type of way, worthy enough to represent God for 10 whole months, or at all really. People told me that I should start praying about my missionary year but, for some reason, I couldn't find the courage to do so. The only thing I did was procrastinate and make excuses. When I left the airport, bound for a new country, I had no idea what was waiting for me. That was five months ago, and the change that has occurred inside of me is the best thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. The truth is, I wasn't worthy, and I'm still not. God, however, is so amazing that He chose to look beyond all of my imperfections and unworthiness, and He has turned my life around. From day 1, my only choice was to rely completely on God because I knew that there was no way I would be able to accomplish anything on my own. Through my reliance on God, I have learned to love as He loves and I have a passion for Him that I've never had before. As my love for God has increased, so has my love for myself. I realize now that I am worth so much more than I ever believed I could be. Not because I think I am a good person, but because I serve a God who is perfect in every way and He loved me enough to create me in His image! How amazing is it, that the creator of the universe would take the time to create each and every one of us in His image? I wish, more than anything, that we would all take the time to truly seek God and rely on Him to show us how valuable we really are. 2015 is over and, as the new year has begun, I decided not to make any resolutions. This does not mean that I have no desire to make my life better this year, because I do. It simply means that I want God to take complete control of my life and make the changes that need to be made. The power of God's love has turned my life around in only 5 months. I cannot wait to see what He will do with the rest of my life.

Our Journey: Week of Prayer

This week was the week of prayer at Palau Mission Academy. The theme was "Our Journey." Some of the staff spoke, me being one of them. It was such a blessing for me to be able to share my story with these kids! The last speaker of the week was the principle, Abner Sanchez. God was definitely present in that chapel. I could feel it in the atmosphere and see it through the students' reactions. This week made me realize that there is never an end to our journey, and there are many experiences along the way that add to our growth. Our journey can impact us either positively, or negatively. The impact of the journey depends on how we choose to handle the experiences along the way. I realized that God gives us chance after chance after chance to allow us to handle a new experience in a different way, to shape us into who HE wants us to be. Another thing that became so clear to me this week, more than ever before, was that we are not alone on our journey. God is always there, walking with us, holding us, and giving us strength to walk on our own. All this time I viewed these experiences as "my" journey, but I was wrong. This whole time, it has been OUR journey. Mine and God's. Never once did I walk alone, or earn the right to say that this has been my journey because, without God, there would have been no journey, only aimless wondering. The best part about this whole thing, is that the journey has only just begun. 

Perfect Timing

Many people think that being a missionary on an island is all "rainbows and butterflies" because it is paradise. It may be true that the scenery is breathtaking, but that doesn't mean discouragement and struggles are nonexistent. One particular week I was feeling slightly more discouraged and homesick than previous weeks. Monday began and I was able to focus on my classes and the work I needed to accomplish. Evening came, however, and I could no longer retain my tears. They began to overflow from my eyes and down my cheeks, like an overflowing rain gutter. I didn't feel like I was making a difference or doing anything extraordinary. "Anyone can be an English teacher," I thought to myself, "so why am I here?" Tuesday morning rolled around and I was not feeling up to teaching, but I went to school anyway. My principle noticed that things were a little off with me so him and his wife talked and prayed with me. He asked for God to send someone into my path so that I would see that I was making even the smallest impact. Nothing happened for the next couple of days. I had actually forgot about the prayer until Thursday night. I was talking to one of the other student missionaries about classes the next day and how I had no idea what I was going to do because the schedule that week had totally messed up my lesson plan. A few minutes later, several of my foreign students came out of the dorm because they had a question about one of my assignments. "Miss," they began, "what does it mean to love your enemies?" I instantly remembered the prayer that my principle had prayed for me. Feeling God's love and peace wash over me, I began to explain to my students how Jesus had made the decision to leave a place more beautiful than we could ever imagine, just to come down and die for our sins. I tried my best to describe how much Jesus loves all of us, even those who hate Him. After I finished explaining as best as I knew how, I asked them if they had ever heard that story, about how Jesus died on the cross. These kids had never heard the story! Remembering that I had nothing planned for class the next day, I asked if they wanted to go over the story in class. They seemed excited by the idea, then made their way back inside to finish their homework. After they had left, I looked over at my friend, then off into the distance. Tears began to fill my eyes as I tried to grasp the fact that God had just used ME. After all, I was only an English teacher, but God had given me the opportunity to realize that I am in a position to change lives. The following day, I told the story of Jesus' death. Never before have I been so passionate about God. It felt amazing! As I reached the part in the story where Mary and the disciple whom Jesus loved were standing at the foot of the cross, I began to cry. My students were completely silent, taking in every word. Some students were also moved to tears as I told the heartbreaking story.
The following week I had a test and, for extra credit, I asked the students to write about what they have learned in my class and what their favorite thing was about my class. To my amazement, some of the students wrote that they loved how I made learning fun, some said their favorite part was worship, some said the atmosphere, and others said that they had grown closer to God because of my class.
God's timing is always perfect. He always knows what we need to hear and when we need to hear it, what we need to know and when we need to know it, what to see and when we need to see it, and what we need to feel and when we need to feel it. Just knowing that God used me to make a difference in at least one student's life makes this whole missionary experience worth it.

"Let all that you do be done in love." 1 Corinthians 16:14

The Little Things

Anyone who has ever been a missionary, or been away from loved ones for awhile, knows that homesickness can be a big part of the experience. The stress of lesson planning and grading, on top of missing family and friends, tends to bring one down. Fortunately, however, God always puts people in our lives to help us through the rough times. Today I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed with all that I needed to accomplish before tomorrow. The guys had a basketball game and, although I really wanted to go watch and support them, I decided to stay behind and work on class preparations. When my roommate, who had gone to the game with a couple of the other girls, arrived back at the apartment, she brought in a bunch of groceries that she had bought. Among the things that she purchased, her and another one of the SM's had thought of me and decided to buy me two of my favorite things on the island. Tears of thankfulness started to fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks. It truly is the little things that make the biggest difference in life. 

Who Would Have Thought?

Time seems to have flown by since I started out on this new adventure. It has already been three weeks since I got on an airplane and flew over the ocean, leaving everything I knew and loved behind. Between meetings and preparing for classes to begin here in Palau, I almost forgot what today was. I post something every year on this day, August 14. But this year, things are completely different. I always say that I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't experienced what I did, now 8 years ago. That statement still remains true, but this year I was able to turn an insecure 15 year-old's dream into a reality. Allow me to explain. A couple years after my accident, I wrote about my experience and it was later published in the insight magazine. Before the story was published, however, I was asked some questions such as, what is my favorite animal, what are my hobbies, and what I want to be when I grow up. I had completely forgotten about that part of the article until this summer when my sister asked me for the link to the story. (If you would like to read the story, you can click on this link: http://www.insightmagazine.org/cover/index.asp?issueID=20111623)  I skimmed over the page before I copied the link and the last few words caught my attention. In the bottom corner, at the end of the story, it says "Kim wants to be a missionary." I couldn't believe it. As I stared at the words, tears came to my eyes. How could a young girl, who had experienced such personal tragedy, still be so on fire for God? Who would have thought that 8 years down the road, after many speed bumps and detours, I would actually be bringing those words to life? I no longer want to be a missionary. I AM a missionary! I have been stressing so much this week because I don't know how I am going to teach when I have no idea what I'm doing. I am by no means qualified for such a task. But, now that I think about it, God has been preparing me for several years to do this job. I don't have to be "qualified" when it comes to working for God. The only requirement to being a missionary is having a willing heart. Who would have thought that I would end up being a missionary? God not only thought, He knew. I'm thankful that, regardless of my countless mistakes, He never gave up on me. He knew that the 15 year-old girl, who had enough faith to move mountains, was still inside of me. 

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

Preparing for Takeoff

The past few years of my life have been like a roller coaster, as I'm sure many can relate. In 2011 I arrived at Southern Adventist University as a timid and insecure freshman. I was anything but certain about my future, or anything for that matter. Many dreams and goals had passed through my mind, one of them being mission work. Being a missionary was something I had wished to do for as long as I can remember. Of course, my desire to be a missionary depended on what my life was like at the time. If I felt close to God, all I could think about was traveling the world and telling others about this amazing God that I knew and loved. If I was struggling with God, however, mission work was the last thing I wanted to think about doing. The first Student Missions vespers that I attended resowed the seed of desire for mission work. From then on, I could not get the thought out of my head.
During my sophomore year I finally decided to apply to be a missionary. I felt like God was opening so many doors for me. Then came the time to apply for a passport. I had applied once before and was denied because I didn't have sufficient documentation. Because I had been born at home and hadn't received an official birth certificate, obtaining official documents was difficult. Needless to say, I was denied a passport once again and I was not able to go into the mission field that year. I was, however, accepted to New Zealand for the following year. Days turned into months and, before I knew it, I had to begin preparing to leave. I had finally received an official birth certificate so I had no doubt that I could obtain a passport without a problem. I was wrong. Because the certificate was issued so long after I was born, they were asking for more documentation. Planning is something that I usually like to do. Waiting until the last minute to figure out if I'm doing something is not my idea of relaxation. I also don't like to make commitments unless I know for sure that I can go through with them. For this reason, I was worried that I would commit to this position, my passport wouldn't come in time, and I would disappoint and inconvenience everyone involved. The school year was coming to a close and my passport still had not arrived. I decided to give up the position and allow the people in New Zealand to have enough time to find someone else.
I thought my chances of being a missionary were gone. My time left at Southern was short and there would be limited opportunities once I started working full time. In January of 2015 I started talking to a friend of mine who was planning on going to Palau. Once again, the mission desire was reignited in my heart and this time I knew exactly where I was going; Palau. I had already taken the missions class and I was in the system, so all I needed to do was update my application and my location of interest. After what seemed like an eternity, I was accepted to teach freshman and sophomore english at the Adventist High School in Palau.
This summer has been full of fundraising and preparation for my island journey and this blog is part of that. I will be writing about my experiences, both challenging and uplifting. Some of you may be curious about the name of my blog, "10 Months of Footprints in The Sand." I chose this title because I know that there will be times when I feel alone, like God has left me somewhere along the way. But, in reality, I'm confident that He will be carrying me every step of the way. This experience isn't just going to be an island journey. It will be an island journey with God and I am excited to see what He has in store for me. As we prepare for takeoff, I ask that you will keep my fellow missionaries and I in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you! :)