Monday, June 6, 2016

The Hardest Part


There's always a moment. Whether you're sitting, standing, walking, or talking, it hits you. "I want to be a student missionary." For some, it stops there. A missionary year was nothing more than a passing thought. For others, however, the thought is put into action. Paperwork is filled out, a location is chosen, or assigned, and fundraising begins. The whole process seems like a dream. It doesn't really hit you until you're at the airport saying goodbye to your loved ones that you're actually leaving and you won't see them for a year. As hard as it may be to accept the fact that you will miss things and people will change, that's not the hardest part. You board the plane and take off into the unknown, unaware of the challenges that lie ahead. After arriving at your destination, getting settled, and creating a routine, you finally have time to relax. Instead of relaxing, however, you may find yourself thinking about family and friends, what they might be doing, and how much you miss them. Moments like this come and go and, at times, you may feel like your heart is going to break, but you'll get through. Homesickness is not the hardest part. Time will pass and you will fall in love with your students and the people you are interacting with. You will build lifelong friendships and you will learn to love in ways that you never thought possible. Then, in what seems like a blink of an eye, you're packing up your things and heading to the airport. As you drive away from what has been your home for the past year, you try to take a mental picture. You attempt to save that moment in your mind forever. You arrive at the airport and your friends and students are there to say goodbye. Some of the kids may decide to bring you into a group hug and that is when the tears will start to flow. That is when you realize that saying goodbye to your new family is the hardest part about being a missionary. You will be showered with a mixture of gifts, kind words, heartfelt letters, and hugs. You want to be able to make promises that you will come back, but you aren't sure when, or if, that will happen. Your heart breaks as you walk through the terminal, into the plane, and head back to the place you were once afraid to leave.






My year as a missionary was full of challenges, but it was also full of blessings. There were times when I felt like giving up. I was hurt, stressed, overwhelmed, and homesick. Sometimes I felt completely alone, like God was making me do it on my own. I realized very quickly that God had NOT left my side and that He was carrying me every step of the way. I learned so much about myself and God through everything I experienced and, if I had the chance, I would do it all over again. So, if you have made the decision to be a student missionary, or you are struggling with making the decision, don't be discouraged. Give it all to God and go for it. The best is yet to come. 

Monday, January 4, 2016

The Power of His Love

As many girls in this world do, I have always struggled with confidence and self-esteem. I feel as though I spent most of my life searching in all the wrong places for self-worth and somewhere to belong. No matter how much I searched, however, all I ever found was emptiness. From the outside, people may have seen a nice Christian girl who had it all together, with her life and her relationship with God, but that was never really the case. Although I have always had a longing in my heart for a close relationship with God, the times when I actually did feel close to Him were limited, especially after I graduated from high school. When I decided to be a missionary, I was terrified. I did not feel, in any type of way, worthy enough to represent God for 10 whole months, or at all really. People told me that I should start praying about my missionary year but, for some reason, I couldn't find the courage to do so. The only thing I did was procrastinate and make excuses. When I left the airport, bound for a new country, I had no idea what was waiting for me. That was five months ago, and the change that has occurred inside of me is the best thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. The truth is, I wasn't worthy, and I'm still not. God, however, is so amazing that He chose to look beyond all of my imperfections and unworthiness, and He has turned my life around. From day 1, my only choice was to rely completely on God because I knew that there was no way I would be able to accomplish anything on my own. Through my reliance on God, I have learned to love as He loves and I have a passion for Him that I've never had before. As my love for God has increased, so has my love for myself. I realize now that I am worth so much more than I ever believed I could be. Not because I think I am a good person, but because I serve a God who is perfect in every way and He loved me enough to create me in His image! How amazing is it, that the creator of the universe would take the time to create each and every one of us in His image? I wish, more than anything, that we would all take the time to truly seek God and rely on Him to show us how valuable we really are. 2015 is over and, as the new year has begun, I decided not to make any resolutions. This does not mean that I have no desire to make my life better this year, because I do. It simply means that I want God to take complete control of my life and make the changes that need to be made. The power of God's love has turned my life around in only 5 months. I cannot wait to see what He will do with the rest of my life.